Fine Dining

I love dining out. Last week, I went to Graydon Carter’s new restaurant Monkey Bar and had a wonderful time. The food was fabulous and the décor divine. The well-dressed diners didn’t drag their coats to the table nor did I hear any cell phones during our meal. The most elegant restaurants make you feel as if you are eating in a private home.

The Monkey Bar’s maitre d’ sat our party at a terrific table against the wall, which I prefer, instead of in the middle of the room. We had a great view of the entire scene. What do you do if you find yourself being led to a table by the restrooms, the kitchen, too close to a workstation or too near a colleague? Simply ask the maitre d’ or the hostess if another table is available. If possible, most restaurants will try to accommodate you. When you make the reservation ask for a table in the location you want – on the terrace, in the front room or the back, upstairs or down, perhaps a booth.

I’ll never forget the time I was dining with my father-in-law, Victor Comte de Lesseps, an ambassador and gourmand, at the Amstel in The Hague. He knew exactly what he preferred and sent back food to the kitchen often, much to our great embarrassment. When the waiter brought him a filleted fish, he lost his temper and shouted, “I ordered fish with a head and a tail. I want the whole fish”. Needless to say, he got what he wanted but made us uncomfortable in the process. It is better to discreet when sending food back.

Here are a few restaurant faux pas that you should avoid:

• Taking your coat, umbrellas, shopping bags, and briefcases to the table. Check them when you enter.
• Putting your phone on the table. Leave it on vibrate and keep it out of sight.
• Use your inside voice. You don’t want to disturb others, and you certainly don’t want people to eavesdrop. You never know who is listening.
• Calling out or snapping your fingers to get the attention of your server. If a quiet “excuse me” or a subtle gesture doesn’t work, ask a busboy or the maitre d’ to send your waiter over.
• Your purse belongs on your lap, the floor or on an empty seat.
• Picking up anything you drop. Just get the attention of the waiter or busboy and ask him for a replacement fork or whatever has fallen.
• Brushing crumbs or stacking plates. That’s what wait staff is for.

Tip:   Despite what your mother told you about keeping your elbows off the table at all times, it is acceptable between courses. Leaning forward a bit on your elbows shows that you are listening with interest.  

The Gracious Guest

As much as I love being a host, I adore being a guest when a great hostess is running the show! There is nothing like kicking back and going with the flow. I remember to acknowledge the effort and planning that goes into hosting me, beginning with promptly responding to the invitation and asking if there is anything I can bring or if I can help with the event.

Once I accept an invitation, I do not cancel unless there is an unavoidable conflict such as a sudden illness or a family crisis such as losing a pet. I am a dependable guest who a hostess can count on showing up. If you really can’t accept an invitation for whatever reason, call with your sincere regrets. Don’t go into a detailed explanation of why you can’t attend. You should respond to your host as soon as possible so someone else can go in your place.

Many invitations will tell you what to wear, such as “black tie” or “casual”. If the invitation does not explain the dress, call your hostess and ask. When in doubt about what to wear, it is always better to arrive overdressed. A simple black dress goes everywhere and will make you look chic and elegant. You’ll be the best dressed at the barbeque!

I like to arrive within fifteen minutes of the time on the invitation so that I can actually enjoy a conversation with my hosts before they become too busy. It is respectful to be on time. For a structured event like a dinner party, you should be no more than fifteen minutes late.

Here are some tips for being a gracious guest:

• Respond to the RSVP ASAP, no later than a week or by the RSVP date.
  
• Arrive on time. If you are going to more than fifteen minutes late to a small gathering, call with the “I’ll be there in five” line.
  
• Cancel only if it’s an emergency.
  
• Bring a hostess gift – don’t arrive empty handed.
  
• Socialize with everyone. Your job is to help the hostess create a party atmosphere.
  
• Participate enthusiastically in any activities suggested by the host – party games and singing come to mind.
  
• Offer to help your hostess during the party or for clean up (hope she’ll say no). 
  
• Discretely thank your hostess for a wonderful time when you leave. Don’t interrupt her on the dance floor.
  
• Call the next day or send a note to thank your hosts. If it was a real shindig, send flowers.
  
• Reciprocate your hosts’ hospitality by inviting them to your parties.

Tip: Never complain or explain. If you accept an invitation, go with the flow and participate enthusiastically.

Packing the Perfect Weekend Bag

Memorial Day weekend is almost here! I’ve always considered this weekend to be the beginning of summer and I’m looking forward to hosting guests at our home in the Hamptons. Because I travel frequently, I can pack a weekend bag in fifteen minutes or less. That’s how easy it should be. Packing the perfect bag is essential to go from the pool or beach, to lunch, shopping and then out for the evening.

If you are flying, everything you bring must fit in a carry-on bag including toiletries in 3 oz. sizes or less and if you are driving, one small suitcase should suffice, especially if you are traveling with other people. Your travel outfit should consist of the bulkiest items that would take up space in your weekend bag. Wear your blazer, boots or thick-soled shoes rather than trying to pack them. Must haves:

• T-shirts/tailored cotton shirt
• Jeans
• Light sweater
• Fun blouse
• Dress that travels well in a solid color jersey or knit and is basic so you can accessorize.
• Skirt
• Accessories that can easily mix with everything.
• Ballet flats
• Dress shoes/sandals
• Flip flops
• Bathing suit and cover up
• Pajamas that work outside your bedroom in case the bathroom entrance is in the hall.
• Travel toiletries

Tip: Getting ready for the weekend doesn’t have to be a headache. You will get the best mileage from clothes that are simple and classic. Remember, having too many things to choose from can be confusing and that less is always more.

Mother's Day

Seduction doesn’t apply only to love and romance. Maintaining positive relationships with our mothers takes the same kind of effort we put into our best friendships. We want our daily encounters with other people including our mothers to work in a satisfying way. We need to be attentive, caring, considerate and appreciative every day, not just on Mother’s Day.

In our busy lives, we have to make time to see each other, support each other, and generally be good to each other. This weekend, I’ll be celebrating Mother’s Day with my children in the Hamptons. Unfortunately, I won’t be with my mother since she will be spending the holiday with my brothers and sisters and their families in Connecticut. I plan to send her a huge bouquet of flowers and a note reminding her how much I love and admire her. I try to let my mother know how special she is on a regular basis by calling and visiting her often and planning memorable outings for her to enjoy.

A few months ago, I brought my mother back stage to meet Celine Dion. For a French-Canadian woman like my mom, meeting Celine Dion was a night she will never forget. We both had an amazing time that night and I was so grateful to share that experience with her.

Presents are a big part of Mother’s Day. I certainly enjoy thoughtful gifts from my own children like when they make me handmade cards. Here are some gift ideas for the mothers in your life:

• A donation to your mother’s favorite charity in her name.
• Flowers or potted plants.
• Personal services – massage, spa and salon services.
• Gift baskets filled with thematic items – a gardening basket with gloves, clogs, seeds and a gift certificate to a fabulous garden center; a beach basket filled with sun block, beach towels, flip flops and a cover-up; cheese, wine and a cookbook for the gourmet.
• Monogrammed bathrobe.
• Gift certificate to her favorite restaurant.
• Plane or train tickets to come visit you.
• Scented candles.

The world is a happier place if people are glad to see you and respond to you with real warmth and enthusiasm. There is no kindness more basic than to be open and responsive to the feelings of others including your mother. And there is nothing more special than a mother’s love. I wish you a very happy Mother’s Day that is filled with the priceless gifts of love, health and happiness.

Tip: The secret to winning people over is to be attentive, caring, considerate and appreciative.