Starting a Conversation

I’ve had a terrific time this past week at my New York and Connecticut book appearances! So many of you have turned out to hear me speak about my life and how important manners and etiquette are to me. You’ve truly inspired me with your rapt attention, your heartfelt laughter, and your thoughtful questions. Part Two of my book “Class with the Countess” is entitled The Art of Making Other People Comfortable and you have made me feel so at ease during these appearances. I want to thank everyone who has come out to see me and I encourage you to keep in touch as I post more appearance dates on my web page.

My experience is that a sense of humor and not taking myself too seriously helps me break down barriers and connect with people. Even I get the butterflies before speaking in front of a group but I remember my mentor Honey saying to me “just get out there and do it”. That’s why having mentors is so important. Being able to talk to anybody about anything is one of the prerequisites of moving through life with ease. If you feel at all out of your element, like at a party where you know few people, it is very important to make an effort to introduce yourself to others. That is why a good opening line can break the ice with people you don’t know well. Your mission is to uncover something interesting about each person you meet in order to initiate a conversation. The good news is that starting a conversation gets easier the more often you do it.

Fail Proof Opening Lines:

• How do you know our hosts?
• Are you doing anything special for the weekend?
• Did you read that recent Times article about ____ ?
• Have you had time to catch that new George Clooney movie?
• Isn’t this a great party? Do you know many people here?
• What a lovely ring. Is that an antique? The craftsmanship is exquisite.
• Did you get hooked on The Real Housewives of New York City? I hear they are working on another season.

Tip: There is never a reason to stand alone at a cocktail party or large reception. Just go up to someone and introduce yourself. Chances are that person will be relieved by your attention.

An Uncluttered Life

Lately, my life has been pretty hectic! Between promoting my book “Class with the Countess” in bookstores, on talk shows and in the media, shooting the Real Housewives of NYC Reunion show and taking care of my children, I haven’t had time to change my nail polish not to mention change out my winter clothing for spring, a task I usually accomplish by now. What does keep me sane during these extremely busy times is that I’m very organized and so is my closet. I can pull myself together for any type of event in fifteen minutes or less because I keep my clothing and accessory choices simple, classic and in good repair. By taking the time to organize your clothing and accessories, you will save a ton of time and money in the long run by utilizing what you already have.

Many people have reached out to me for fashion advice because they just can’t seem to pull it all together without getting stressed out. What I have done and suggest everyone do, is build a look around a core wardrobe of basic, high quality pieces that can be embellished with jewelry, scarves, and belts. You can never have too many accessories because they help define your personal style. I love cocktail rings and big-statement necklaces. Hair ornaments, especially silk or fresh flowers, are another personal favorite of mine in summer. Remember those huge sunglasses I wore last summer in the Hamptons? I felt like such a diva. Fashion is fun and it allows me to be creative and chic.

My father used to say to me “The simple life is the best life”. I took what he said to heart and now know that having too much too choose from can be confusing. I edit my closets each season with an eye to what can be worn now, what is worth holding onto and what items can be given away. Here are some of my wardrobe essentials:

1. A pair of great jeans – preferably dark.
2. A white long or three-quartered-sleeved tailored shirt – Cotton with spandex for a good fit is the most versatile choice.
3. A black dress – A sleeveless sheath is elegant. If you don’t have the upper arms or body for it, select a style with sleeves.
4. A blazer – A blazer is the perfect way to dress up jeans.
5. T-shirts – If you want to dress up your look, throw a staple jacket over a tee. Add a statement necklace or a scarf.
6. An everyday and an evening handbag – don’t drag out your everyday bag to dinner.
7. High heels, boots and ballet flats – There is no reason to attract too much attention to your feet. Comfort is key.

Tip: If you consider your basics a blank canvas, then your accessories are the paint. Keep your accessories well organized so you can look them over quickly to make your selection. Don’t forget your sunglasses!

Book Launch

On April 16th, my book “Class with the Countess” will be available in bookstores nationwide. To say this is an exciting time for me would be an understatement. I have always wanted to write a book and have been keeping my memoirs in diaries since 1990 when I moved to Europe to pursue my career as a model. It was like writing three books, my biography, manners and how- to. My goal was to show readers that anyone can have class. You can’t buy it but you can learn it. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth but my story will show that by finding the good in every situation, by being open to new experiences and by being receptive to the advice of mentors, I have learned to be comfortable anywhere, anyplace, anytime. This is much more than just an etiquette book, it’s about being comfortable in your own skin, making others feel comfortable in your company and learning how to get people in your corner.

After the Real Housewives of NYC aired, I was deluged with viewers’ manners and etiquette questions. As my visibility increased, I attracted the attention of David Vigliano, my literary agent. He knew that people wanted not only an etiquette book, but that they were also interested in my stories. He introduced me to publishing legend Diane Reverand with whom I spent last fall writing the book. This book would not have been possible without the viewers’ encouragement and inspiration and my amazingly intuitive publisher, William Shinker at Gotham Books.

In my book, there is a picture of two of my style mentors, John Galliano and Faycal Amor taken in the early nineties. Both of these men are huge talents who helped me understand that fashion influences how one feels on the outside as well as the inside. Imagine my surprise then when who should I run into at my hotel today but John Galliano! Talk about being at the right place at the right time. Since nothing happens without a reason, I believe we ran into each other today to remind me of the path I’ve traveled and the exciting road ahead of me.


Tip: Start every day open to being at the right place at the right time and good fortune may just smile upon you.

SMART Girls

This week on the Real Housewives of NYC, the cameras followed me to the Boys and Girls Club at the 14th Street Y where I spent an afternoon mentoring girls in the SMART (Skills Mastery and Resistance Training) program. This program, for young women ages 8 to 17, helps build girls’ self-esteem and self-worth while emphasizing the importance of nurturing one’s own mental and physical well-being. I donate my time and resources to this program because statistics show that girls who are supported by positive role models and provided with information on the physical and emotional changes that occur during adolescence have less depression, teen pregnancy, and substance abuse problems.

I’ve had wonderful mentors throughout my life, beginning with my mother who successfully managed a household of nine while never neglecting herself. She was calm and organized and always perfectly dressed. When I lived in Europe, Princess Hohenlohe (Honey to her friends), an American southern belle who married a German prince befriended me. She taught me how to navigate through European society while remaining true to myself. She approached life with courage and wit and was a terrific role model. She understood what it meant to be an American living abroad and how important it was that I meet the right people and embrace European culture. I would not be whom I am today without my mother and Honey’s mentoring and love.

During my visit with the SMART Girls, we each wrote down five things that we like most about ourselves. I shared that I like to tell jokes; I’m confident and well organized. Doesn’t this sound like my two most important mentors, my mother and Honey? Mentoring does work. I encourage others to take time out of their busy schedules to help young women achieve life-long health and happiness.

Tip: Choose mentors that have qualities to which you aspire. Be courageous and ask for guidance from other women. By seeking out the best in others, we improve ourselves.

The Only Constant is Change

Sometimes life takes surprising turns! This week, I was stunned to find out that my marriage of sixteen years is ending. My husband and I have decided to separate but remain friends in support of each other and our children. I want to thank everyone who has given me encouragement and love during this difficult time. I have a terrific support system in place to weather the challenging days ahead and I realize that this could happen to anyone.

I have always believed that each new experience is an opportunity for growth and adventure although change can be frightening at the outset. Being a daring and positive person has opened up my life to many new experiences and I am certain that I will emerge from these events stronger, wiser and happier. How will I accomplish this without losing my self-esteem? I will hold my head up high and embrace the unknown.

If a relationship fails, it was never meant to be. This is where fate and destiny come into play. I’m a big believer that my next love is just around the corner and that because I love myself; my heart and my mind will be open to new love. Also, I am grateful for having been married for sixteen years to a fascinating man and I am thankful for my children and for the life I’ve created.

Tip: When a man breaks up with you, be as noble and dignified as you can. Realize that better times are ahead and that the future holds many wonderful opportunities. Sometimes a break-up is a blessing in disguise.